Clutterbugs: Don't be a Martyr
Have you ever gone off on a trip, away from your family, and come home to a disaster zone? I have, several times. The last time it happened, I had been away at a blog conference for four 12 hour days and I came home to a sink full of dishes, newspapers and laundry everywhere, and a very large, wet St. Bernard in my living room.
Considering that there were two adults and a pre-teen living in the house during that weekend, I thought that was a pretty ridiculous state of affairs.
Now, in the past, I would have gone off like a rocket and I could see my family watching me waiting for the explosion. Usually I would start with yelling, then move onto accusing, and then go into the whole "poor me" mentality and pretty much sulk for the rest of the night.
But this one time, I decided to make another choice. I shook my head, laughed a little, and said "really, guys?". Then I got one son started on the dishes, the other on the trash, while my husband took care of the dog, and I threw together a quick dinner. In about 30 minutes, the house was pulled back together and my family was very relieved to not have to endure a huge, messy scene with me.
The best way to not be a martyr is to keep the following in mind:
A. Your family loves you and wants you to be happy, but they don't live their lives around your wants and desires.
B. Things that are a huge big deal to you are not the same big deal to them.
C. Even though their intentions are good, they have their own desires and distractions that may stop them from doing the things they know they *should* do.
D. A little forgiveness along with a gentle reminder can accomplish a lot more than a tantrum and simmering resentment.
Considering that there were two adults and a pre-teen living in the house during that weekend, I thought that was a pretty ridiculous state of affairs.
Now, in the past, I would have gone off like a rocket and I could see my family watching me waiting for the explosion. Usually I would start with yelling, then move onto accusing, and then go into the whole "poor me" mentality and pretty much sulk for the rest of the night.
But this one time, I decided to make another choice. I shook my head, laughed a little, and said "really, guys?". Then I got one son started on the dishes, the other on the trash, while my husband took care of the dog, and I threw together a quick dinner. In about 30 minutes, the house was pulled back together and my family was very relieved to not have to endure a huge, messy scene with me.
The best way to not be a martyr is to keep the following in mind:
A. Your family loves you and wants you to be happy, but they don't live their lives around your wants and desires.
B. Things that are a huge big deal to you are not the same big deal to them.
C. Even though their intentions are good, they have their own desires and distractions that may stop them from doing the things they know they *should* do.
D. A little forgiveness along with a gentle reminder can accomplish a lot more than a tantrum and simmering resentment.
1 comments:
Very wise advice. I'll try to remember this in the future.
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