Anti Bullying Ideas
I'm glad that bullying is getting a lot of attention in the news lately. I'm hoping that all this publicity will do some good for once, and maybe we'll come up with some useful solutions to the problem. I've got a few ideas on the subject.
My friend Jyl over at MomItForward started a discussion on Facebook yesterday and it got me thinking. Our two older boys had very little experience with bullying, but sadly our youngest boy has had the lion's share of it.
I'm not just talking a little bit of teasing or kids just harassing him, I'm talking major physical bullying, and even a bit beyond that. At various times, he was hit, kicked, pushed down, choked, punched in the privates, had sand thrown in his cast & was chased when he had a broken foot, had rocks, snowballs, and pinecones thrown at him, had kids try to yank his pants down, and even had filthy and threatening pictures drawn of him, and even had another boy rubbing up against him in a sexual manner. And that's not including the name calling, the exclusion, the songs they made up about him, and one kid who literally shot him with a BB Gun during a playdate. And all this before he was even ten years old! Just thinking about it makes me physically ill.
And we live in a "nice" neighborhood on the "good" side of town. These aren't poor kids of low-income working parents, these are kids of well-educated, church-going parents, who live in nice houses, and have good jobs. I was very involved in the process and had meetings with the teachers, the Principal, and even the School Superintendent. Everyone involved including the Principal and the School Board, tried to put a stop to it, but nothing they did was particularly effective. They even expelled the boy who drew the pictures and was rubbing against him, but since there were multiple boys and they were smart enough to act when supervision was minimal, the torment continued through most of the 4th and 5th grade. Mysteriously, in the 6th grade, most of it stopped, and so far, in his 1st Semester of Jr. High, he's been just fine. Who knows?
Anyway, I promised you some solutions. As a first-hand participant in all this, I think I've got a pretty good perspective on this. Let's start with the victims. Part of the fear and frustration of being a bullying victim is that they don't know who or how to report the problem to, and often they aren't believed or aren't taken seriously.
What if there was a way kids could report bullying consistently and anonymously, every time an incident occurred? What if teachers set aside a few minutes at the end of the day when kids could come to them anonymously to report any bullying incidents throughout the day? What if the teacher were required to create a written report of it to be passed onto a weekly bullying task force?
Who would make up this task force? The kids. Kids are quite capable of disciplining each other quite fairly, when given the training and opportunity to do so. If there were a council of 5 or so older students who could meet for an hour or two a week to hear the facts, decide the guilt or innocence, and hand out the appropriate punishments, I think kids would take them a lot more seriously. It makes more of an impression if your peers disapprove of your behavior, than adults who seem to be always criticizing kids anyway.
Also if these same kids were given the same authority as the playground aides to deal with any horseplay or bullying - that would multiply the amount of supervision available on playgrounds and buses, in restrooms, and in lunch areas, prime real estate for bullying. They wouldn't be given authority to punish on the spot or to physically intervene, but if they had the authority to tell the bully to stop, and to report the incident, possibly send the offender to a teacher or a Principal, that would help a lot.
Another problem is that the current punishments are ineffective. Really ineffective. As my son's case shows, nothing the staff did put any particular damper on the abuse. The typical chain of punishment goes:
- Warning
- Reprimand from teacher - possible note home
- Sent to "think time" or a time out
- Detention or other after-school or recess punishment
- Sent to Principal, Vice Principal, or Nova Officer for a talk
- Parents called
- In school suspension (required to sit in a lower grade classroom for part or all of the day)
- Out of school suspension - usually for a day or so, rarely for longer unless a weapon is involved
- Expelled - requires a school board hearing and a majority decision by the board. Then they simply start over at a new school with a whole new batch of potential victims.
These can vary depending on the school official involved, the age of the child, or the severity of the behavior. But what I don't see is anything about actually teaching the bully anything about how to change his/her behavior. How about something more like this:
- Warning
- Reprimand from teacher or student council
- 1 to 4 page written report about the effects of bullying plus a public apology to the victim
- Watch an anger management or anti-bullying film and a written plan for behavior change
- Mandatory half-day anti-bullying class (preferably on a Saturday)
- Mandatory referral to a therapist for at least 1 month of treatment plus virtual restraining order. No contact with the victim(s) until released by therapist.
- Expelled - either to home schooling, or to a juvenile facility. Not allowed back in school for six months and only with approval of a therapist.
These are actually fairly simple ideas with very minimal costs involved, but they could make a big difference in this problem. Particularly if they were implemented in a uniform way at every school in the nation. Then both the victims and the bullies would know exactly what to expect.
What are your ideas on new and innovative ways to prevent bullying?
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4 comments:
What a hard hard story. And the part where it magically is over?? what?? I know my kiddo hit Jr. High and she had at least one major 'behavior' change time frame, so I get it when I hear about kids turning a new leaf and all that but still?? what?!
Wow your ideas are really fabulous. And some are really intense! I can imagine a parent going.. oh 'he**' no my kid ain't going to NO anger management class!!
I often wonder about how much the kids are getting their behavior from their parents in the first place!!
Do you have any indication that your kid could have changed anything to solve any of those issues...? Does that make sense? The poor kid I can only imagine!
First let me start by saying I'm so glad things are going well with your son.
My child had a bully last year. He was in Kindergarten. At first, I didn't think much of it (basically because of their ages).
I was wrong. By the middle of the year I brought it up with the teacher. Apparently, the school was in touch with the bully's parents. However, they had never called me.
What would have happened had my son not told me? I think teachers need to be held accountable. We expect more from our children.
There will be less bullying when adults stop acting like children.
I think your anti bullying ideas are incredible! Especially the idea of getting peers involved. I completely agree that kids would be more respectful of their peers discipline, who they look up to, than that of their teachers. And your punishments for bullies seem to be far more effective than the school system. Have you taken these ideas to a school board or tried to have them implemented in any way? I absolutely think you should! Visiting from SITS, congrats on your feature day!
I think the idea of a bully task force is amazing. I recently found out that my sweet older sister was a bully. She terrified a girl in my grade for years. I had no idea. My sister was also a victim of sexual child abuse, from both my older brother and my stepfather, and the bullying was acting out.
I think that THIS aspect of bullying needs to be addressed. Kids are not cruel, that is not a natural occurrence as some try to say, "kids will be kids." Hateful and violent behavior is modeled or is a result of acting out. I bet if there were a bullying task force, and repeat offenders were looked at with the understanding that something is going on in their home life to create this we would have significant change in bullying.
Teach the "victims" their strengths and how to manage their emotional energy systems so that they don't get psychologically hurt from the bullying, but we have to understand the bullying problem stems from something going on in the bully's life. We have to seriously and aggressively explore that to bring an end to the epidemic of bullying!
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