My husband's Aunt Lucy came for a visit this week. Even though none of us had met her before, we had a wonderful visit with her.  Growing up, my husband never had a lot of interaction with his father's side of the family back East, but we had started to hear from some of them after he passed and we thought it would be nice to finally meet his Aunt Lucy after all these years. 

She is 80 years young, but she is pretty spry.  She still works more or less full-time as a house cleaner.  I'm hoping I can be like that when I get older.  She doesn't take anything stronger than asprin (unusual these days) and doesn't even need glasses. And even though I kept telling her to sit down and relax, my house is sparkling like a new penny and smells like delicious meatballs!  

We had a really nice visit with her.  I'd forgotten how nice it was to have a "mom-type" around, just to ask about cooking stuff, removing laundry stains, and just to talk to.  My Mom's been gone for five very long years and I lost my Grandma when I was six, so it was a nice treat for me to hang out with Aunt Lucy all week.  And she thought my boys were awesome!  Anyone who likes my kids that much is guaranteed a spot in my heart! 

She's had a pretty rough life.  She was on her own at a very early age and didn't get much education.  Her husband died early and they only had one child.  She was a very fun person, but several times she mentioned ugly things that people had said or done to her when she was young.  I found that kind of sad that someone could say something mean that could still make someone upset more than 60 years later.  Who knew that our words and actions could have such power?  She and her sister hadn't spoken in years because of a misunderstanding.  What a shame that a lifetime relationship like that could be ruined like that, because of a bit of nastiness? 

People can be real turkeys sometimes, but if you're not careful you'll make an offhand remark that will truly harm someone or completely change their perception of themselves.  At one time, I had my poor son convinced he was a midget.  He has always been a bit small for his age and kids would call him names.  One day, he asked me one day what was the difference between a dwarf and a midget?  I helpfully explained to him that a dwarf had a genetic disease that affected their bones and their proportions, but that a midget was a perfectly proportioned person who was under 4'10".  The problem was I failed to mention that it was an ADULT person under 4'10".   He said some comment about being a midget one time, and when I went to correct him, he replied with absolute certainty "But Mom, I AM a midget because I AM under 4'10".  I just wanted to cry. 

I guess the lesson here is to guard your words.  Even if someone bugs you, don't go for the nasty remark, or the negative action.  That person may end up carrying that hurt around for the rest of their lives, even if that was not what you intended.  And for heaven's sake, be careful what you say to your children!  You never know how they are going to turn it around in those little heads of theirs. 

The flip side of the lesson is to try hard not to carry those bad things around for 60 years.  The other person probably has moved on and forgotten the incident completely, but you are still suffering from it.  After a few years, take another look at it and see if it's worth lugging around for the rest of your life, or if you can find a way to see that person as innocent.  Maybe they were just jealous of you, or maybe they thought they were paying you back for some imagined slight, but find a way to let it go and forgive them.  Erase that memory and replace it with one where the person was kind to you instead.  Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, even if the other person doesn't deserve it - you do. 


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