My Tweeps were having a discussion on Twitter the other day that really got me thinking. They were talking about how their kids fight so much and talking about whether it was normal for kids to have such a hard time getting along. If you've been reading my blog, you know that we've had a lot of problems with our youngest son and bullies. So I'm very sensitive to any situation that looks like bullying and to me sibling rivalry at it's worst looks a lot like bullying.

Now, I don't even pretend to be a parenting expert, by any means. Nor do I want to sound like I'm criticizing other Moms for the choices they make in raising their children. I think the most hurtful thing you can do is question other people's parenting skills. I think we're all good parents in our own way and we all do the very best we can to raise our children. Instead, I think I'd like to present a bit of a different viewpoint that challenges some of the accepted wisdom out there.

People have always said things like "boys will be boys" or "let kids just be kids" as an excuse for kids who play rough or are mean and hurtful to each other. But I really question that thinking. If we let them, our kids would still be pooping in their pants and eating food off the floor too, but as parents, it's our job to teach them better habits. So, I don't understand how it's any different for a child to reach over and whack his little brother or sister, than it would be to do the same action to some random kid on a playground?

In a way, I think it's almost worse for kids to be mean to their siblings, because there's nowhere to go to get away from them. They have to live their attackers all day, every day. I always think of that horrible brother on The Wonder Years who was so mean to the character played by Fred Savage. He was just horrible to his brother on every level and I used to think what a nightmare it would be so have to deal with someone like that on a daily basis. And the parents were completely oblivious. I never once heard them tell the kid to knock it off.

Kids have so much pressure today, in school, in sports, in every other environment, I really think the home needs to be the one place where they can let their guard down and just relax and be themselves without constantly being harassed, teased, or even physically abused by their siblings.

Really, I think there's a very fine line between this kind of behavior and bullying. Usually, its an older child going after a younger one, or a stronger one going after a weaker one, and really what is the "victim" to do about it? They will always be younger or weaker than the other child, so they really can never ever win, and that has to produce a terrible feeling of powerlessness. Then if they ask the parent to intervene, they are considered a "tattletale" which has it's own negative connotation, so it really is a no-win situation.

Honestly, I can't understand why a parent would allow their child to be put in such a position by another child in the family. If a bully at school treated your child so poorly, you'd be screaming for the Principal, wouldn't you? I think about the kids who have bullied my son so unmercifully over the last few years and I really wonder if they were raised in homes where fighting and nastiness between the kids was an everyday thing?

Now stopping the problem is a whole other story, but I think it can be done, even if your kids are die-hard daily fighters. Kids are pretty smart and they catch on quickly to what will and won't be tolerated. After all, if Bobby was chasing little Susie around with a butcher knife, you'd find a way to put a stop to it pretty quickly. It's all a matter of picking your battles and deciding if it's worth the effort to help your kids learn to get along with each other. I think it is. If nothing else, I think it would be helpful to them to learn some negotiation skills. It will probably help them later in life when they're dealing with kids they don't like, bad teachers or bad bosses.

Click HERE for a great post at Fishful Thinking that I think might help your child to get along better with their siblings.




By TwitterButtons.com