I have had the most unusual weekend. Blake is off to Scout Camp for a week, Tony has been out of town for almost a week for a family emergency - his favorite aunt took a bad turn and we thought we were going to lose her, fortunately, it seems like she will recover. Matt, as usual has been working until the wee early hours of the morning. So that has left me on my own for most of the weekend.

The first night, I was kind of excited. It's pretty rare that I ever have the house all to myself and it's kind of a treat to be able to go to bed and get up when I want, eat when I want, eat what I want, and have full control of the remote control. Plus the quiet was kind of nice. Not only do my guys talk non-stop, especially Blake, but they always have something electronic on - TV, video games, computer, electric guitars, something is making noise around here just about 24 X 7. The chance to sit and read a book, or just listen to music with nothing else going on, is a real treat.

But it's also lonesome, I discovered. Fortunately, I've been able to do stuff with Matt during the day. We went to the Scottish games yesterday and had lunch and a movie today (go see UP!, it's so cute!). But in the evenings, it's just me 'n the cats. And all that quiet just starts to close in on you.

I start wondering if this is what it would be like if I ever got divorced. I've been married for 25 years, and I lived with my Mom for the 24 years before that, so I've never lived by myself - ever. Maybe the odd weekend or two, like this, or some time alone on a business trip or something, but I really can't imagine living alone for any period of time. It's really boring!

I think it would be really hard if I were ever divorced. Neither one of us has any family to speak of. Our parents and grandparents are all gone and both of our sisters live quite a ways away, and we aren't very close to them. Other than a few aunts, uncles and cousins scattered around the country, we don't have any family and not a lot of friends. We have some couples from church that we hang out with sometimes, but I hear it's a little strange when you have couples and singles together, so I don't know how that would pan out. Seems like I'd be spending a lot of time alone, or just with the kids.

You think about all the practical things - how would I get the lawn mowed or the snow taken care of, how would I get Blake to and from school - since schools never have hours that mesh with any normal working schedule. Would I keep the house? If I didn't, what the heck would I do with a six bedroom house worth of STUFF? Not to mention how I would manage the bills on one income and one kid's worth of child support? That doesn't even bear thinking about.

Makes you feel like being really nice to your husband, that's for sure. I like being married. I know how to do married. My husband drives me nuts sometimes, but he's really a pretty good guy. I don't think I'd know how to do single after all these years. Could you imagine dating someone at this stage? I've seen some of the guys my age and I rarely see one of them that I'd be interested in dating. Not to mention that my hefty little self is not exactly prime dating material to begin with.

Years ago, one of my male co-workers gave me a bit of great advice. I was complaining about my husband for some reason and he said "You know, we're all the same. We're all a big, fat, hairy mess. You just need to pick a set of faults you can live with". That's actually pretty good advice. We've all got faults, but there are ones you can overlook and there's ones you can't and it's not like every new person comes with a list of them, so you can know what you're getting right off the bat. At least after all these years, I know that the package of faults I've got is one I can live with.

Does all this have a point? No, I don't think so. I'm just bored and lonely, so I'm blogging. But I am definitely staying married for the time being. It can be stressful and frustrating sometimes, but at least it isn't ever boring!



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